Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Marriage and Social Acceptance

In the last couple of months a few of my close friends have bitten the dust (one more is about to. )and currently are absolutely smitten by the love bug !! Everytime I break any such news at home these days, I know whats coming next.., their faces absolutely without an utter say "When is your Turn ?"

I have been wondering the last few months, why is getting married the One All, Be All.. aren't there more things in life that are as important, my mother invariably senses this and keeps hammering that "there are other things as well, but nothing as important as tying the knot". I have somehow come to conclude that once you are committed (though this does not mean much these days), engaged (same as the previous one), married (now we are talking) , society looks up to you with much more respect than before. People feel "Ok, this guy is not that disgusting perhaps, lets cozy a little bit upto him". I go for walks up the Law College Tekdi sometimes and I see newly/about-to-be married couples holding hands, whispering sweet nothings and I do feel a little bit of envy, I admit. But to be very true, I also see a little smirk or a sly smug on most faces as well which seems to suggest that "Ok, how the heck did I manage to fool someone so easily !! The happiness also stems from the fact that there is someone willing to accept you as how you are with all your fallacies intact .."
Very few realize that their partner is also probably thinking the same ;)

Now, I may be ridiculed that I am being a pessimist or this is nothing but a case of sour grapes.., trust me, I am very happy for all of friends who are "happily" married or who are about to be. Frankly speaking amongst the multitudes of friends who have tied the knot I see 2 (all of 2) pairs (one, a very close friend, another from college) which are really close to one another.. The way they speak to each other, about one another.., the way my two friends (and their spouses as well) hang up their wireless phones.. even though they are disconnected, I feel the connection is not lost (In case of others maybe it is there, but its that I don't see it..) It could also be attributed to some dreadful moments that they witnessed in their past.., but mostly its due to the simple fact that they want to make it work.

Now to the important part.. Why am I still single? I am neither afraid of commitments nor do I have any doubts of my orientation. Simple, its just not working my way and I have no ill-feelings towards anyone for it not working. Personally, I am comfortable with way things are, it is the peer/society pressure which kills :) I am still not social-acceptable. I may be now, but 3-4 years down the line, I may be the one castigated to the sidelines. (I would probably still have Sameer as company while having coffee on the 4th floor walkway :D ) There have been instances when I was close, but the ball never turned or bounced the way it was intended. She either had issues with me supporting my sister's education (when the time would come), did not want to travel abroad (not that I am flying tomorrow) or her job profile/aspirations (which she was convinced was the perfect one) were such that we would not have got enough time together.

I am really at a loss how to conclude this one, as it is as much an open-ended issue, till the time it actually ends. So till the time you hear any good news, let me keep this one alive

Its really funny that 2 2in*2in absent patches of thickets could actually ostracize a person from society !! When the "Genetically Weakened Defective Picket Fences" started giving way early in college, it wasn't much of an issue, but now I feel I am about a hair's thickness away from being quarantined.


Anonymous Vishal Bhalla said...

That was too good...I hope your current assignment gets over soon so that we get another good read :)

By the way once you get hooked be ready for those hefty telephone bills buddy!!!

4:56 AM  
Blogger Matter Mahadevan said...

Dude, very well written, especially the last few lines. You know what, you are a super duper guy for somebody to overlook just because of those "absent patches of thickets". And before you will blink your eyes, everything will fall in place and you will not know what hit you (for good mostly). Trust me (I know a guy who we know uses this quite often, and I should not be using it), on that :)

8:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the first place thats a very well written article and whats more appealing is that it comes straight fromt he "aortic pump" ....u watch Friends right :)

Now to the deeper issue of marriage...both u and ur mother are right abt. it. There are other things in life.. as important but none as important :).. confusing right... thats why its not the easiest of tasks....

I think its perfectly alright to wait for eternity until u find the perfect match u are expecting ... but u also have to be strong enuf.... mentally to look beyond the social and home pressures.. More important is the belief you need in urself.. that u are indeed going to find someone you really want to be with life for...

Thats not something I would have done.. but then marriage is the most individualistic decision a person ever has to take...

10:16 PM  
Blogger Utpal Deole said...

Hey Salil...Harshu mentioned about your blog, and I am not surprised.

As far as the contentious issue of marraige goes, whats important is you being able to express what you feel! And obviously you can, so keep it up buddy!

1:13 AM  
Blogger Mukta A said...

hey there is no good answer to why one must get married. go to the US & no one will ask you why you are not married. infact they will look at me & say - you married so early!!!

for people to live in harmony in society, someone wrote some rules. and we being a part of ths indian society, we need to follow those rules! funny... but there is no other "logical" reason for getting married.. all other reasons i can think of, are not logical - they stem out of the fact that "love is blind" and hence i can give you such a list of all non logical reasons to get married...!! :))

5:56 AM  
Anonymous Noor. said...

Sallu Mian!! Another deadly weapon from your repertoire of heartfelt lamentations!! An amazing read, i must say....and yeah, i checked out your blog after a long time...and you didn't disappoint me at all!!!
As for the marriage issue...."you have to get married to understand what it really is"!!! I was comitted to my husband for 8 long years....and understood "Love" only after i got married!!!

Am sure you'll get your chance to experience the same :) ..Till then, Chin up!!! (as far as being ostracised goes, rest assured my friend...you are the last one to suffer that fate!!)

Cheers !!

2:02 AM  

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